Living An Orgasmic Life

For every woman who struggles with sexuality and intimacy. Nationally-known sex therapist Xanet Pailet offers practical tools and encouragement for reclaiming passion and pleasure in their sex life.

IntroductionPART ONE: Healing yourself from Shame, Sexual Abuse and Physical TraumaChapter 1: A Night of Goddess Worship Can Change Your LifeChapter 2: Living a Life of LiesAppearances Can Be DeceivingThe Widening DivideWhat Happened to Us?We were doomed from the startFinding a Home in Your BodyChapter 3: Women are Programmed to Say ¿Nö to SexAn Oversexed, Sex-Starved CultureSexless Marriage vs Upsetting the Apple CartWhere Did my Libido Go?¿Keep your legs shut!¿Good Girl Madonna, Bad Girl WhoreThe more we have sex, the more we want sex (Good sex begets more good sex)Chapter 4: Shame: The Nastiest Five-Letter Word in the UniverseThe Shame/Pleasure ParadoxAncient Cultures Were Sex-PositiveShame and Your Sexual BlueprintJessicäs Story: Body ShameJeff¿s Story: Delayed Ejaculation ShameSexual Blueprint ExerciseTim¿s Story: Shame from Inappropriate AttractionAnyäs Story: Sexually Repressed ShameBob¿s Story: Shame Around Experiencing DesireMasturbation and ShameDeliäs Story: Masturbation Shame and Disassociation from PleasureKeith¿s Story: Masturbation Shame and Early EjaculationBody Shame: A Generalized, Cultural DisorderExercise: Body TalkToo Big, Too Small: Sex Organ ShameJim¿s Story: Cock Size ShamePussy ShameAnnie¿s Story: My Vagina is Normal!Sexual FetishismRalph¿s Story: Cross Dressing and Submissive ShameChapter 5: Sexual Abuse and TraumaOvert and Covert AbusePost-Traumatic Stress DisorderImpact on SexualityAnne¿s Story: Unresolved Trauma causing VaginismusRepression of MemoriesTrauma and Self-Protection MechanismsDarläs Story: Trauma and DisassociationTonyäs Story: Trauma and Over-StimulationEllen¿s Story: Slaying the TigerDownstream Effects of AbuseLilly¿s Story: Trauma and Fear of IntimacyCeciliäs Story: Trauma and Self-Abusive BehaviorMen and Sexual TraumaDavid¿s Story: Recreating Abusive RelationshipsWorking with Sexual TraumaJessie and Mark¿s Story: Resolving Trauma and Reclaiming their Sex LifeChapter 6: The Body Remembers: Trauma & Physical ImprintingTrauma and Physical ImprintingBody MemoryPhysical Traumäs Impact on SexualityHeal the Body, Heal the MindReleasing Trapped Pain from TraumaRainäs Story: Trauma from a Routine Gynecological ExamHolistic Pelvic CareCarrie¿s Story: Healing Trauma from ChildbirthJane¿s Story: Weaning Herself Off a Vibrator by Rewiring Physical PatternsExercise: Awakening New Pleasure PathwaysIngrid and Mark¿s Story: Activating New Pleasure PathwaysChapter 7: Blocks to IntimacyAttachment Theory (¿It really is all your mother¿s fault¿)Secure AttachmentAnxious AttachmentAvoidant AttachmentAnxious Avoidant AttachmentOther Influences on AttachmentThe Influence of Attachment Style in Adult RelationshipsVictor¿s Story: Perpetually in the Friend ZoneEmotional Detachment (Why Crying is So Good for You)Intimacy Requires an Emotional ConnectionLisäs Story: Learning How to Let Others Care for HerTristan¿s Story: Dealing with a Broken HeartCaryn¿s Story: Confusing Sex with LovePART TWO: Awakening Your PleasureChapter 8: Beginning the Journey of Sexual Healing & AwakeningFour Guiding Principles to Transform your Sex LifeSelf-Awareness and CourageExercise: Visioning LetterUnderstanding and Banishing Sexual ShameAccepting and Loving Your BodyExercise: Create Your Vagina TimelineBethany¿s Story: My Period Betrayed MeJuliäs Story: Where Did My Beautiful Body Go?Lainäs Story: Menopause MadnessEmbodiment¿The Place to BeginChapter 9: Coming home to My Body and Welcoming PleasureWelcoming PleasureThe Road to Becoming a Sex and Intimacy CoachSexological BodyworkSkyDancing Tantra Teacher TrainingSomatica: The Glue that Holds it All TogetherChapter 10: So What is Tantra Anyway?Origins of TantraThe Emergence of SkyDancing TantraExercise: The Yoni TalkChakras and Sexual AwakeningExercise: Subtle EnergyPrinciples of TantraExercise: Chakra SoundingChapter 11: How to Reignite Your Shrinking LibidoDesire and Your HormonesDesire and Your Internal LandscapeExercise: Sacred Space Ritual: A Partner PracticeVanilla Sex Can Kill Your LibidoKaren¿s Story: Boring SexDesire and Your External LandscapeExercise: Peak Sexual Experience SurveyKnowing What You WantWho Initiates Sex?Understand Your Sexual StyleWhen Sexual Styles ConflictAnne and Jeremy¿s Story: Conflicting Sexual StylesSwitching it Up: Sexual Styles Aren¿t StaticCore Erotic ThemeExercise: Identifying Your Hottest Sexual MovieChapter 12: Great Sex is about PolarityWhy Opposites AttractFantasy and Cultural TaboosCollette and Liam¿s Story: Creating Sexual Polarity through Role-PlaySexual Polarity is Upside Down in our SocietyAndreäs Story: Finding Her Feminine SelfExercise: Fun Ways to Find Your SexyMasculinity and Male SexualityPaul¿s Story: Permission to Feel DesireGenevieve and Carl¿s Story: Learning to Surrender into DominanceChapter 13: Realizing Your Pleasure PotentialSlow Things DownGet Out of Your Head and Into Your BodyThe Ins and Outs of OrgasmThe Power of TouchThe Three Minute GameExercise: Touching for Your Own PleasureYou are Responsible for Your ArousalLearning What You WantExercise: Self-Loving PracticeOrgasms Don¿t Just Happen in Your GenitalsAnal PleasureChapter 14: Living an Orgasmic LifeSex is a Basic Human Need like Food and ShelterA Sexual Woman is a Creative WomanSex TransmutationQuantum Physics and SexExercise: Feed Your CreativityThe Process of TransformationNoräs Story: Making a Career ChangeIntuition: The Greatest Gift of AllExercise: Cultivating Your Intuition by Learning Your ¿Yes¿ and ¿NöLaräs Story: Making a Life Changing Decision to be a Single MomBrant¿s Story: When Sex and Creativity Flows, So Does the MoneyDarleen¿s Story: Reinventing Oneself in Her 60sYour Story Next¿