The Lost Art of Listening

"That isn't what I meant!" Truly listening and being heard is far from simple, even between people who care about each other. This perennial bestseller--now revised and updated for the digital age--analyzes how any conversation can go off the rails and provides essential skills for building mutual understanding. Thoughtful, witty, and empathic, the book is filled with vivid stories of couples, coworkers, friends, and family working through tough emotions and navigating differences of all kinds. Learn ways you can: *Hear what people mean, not just what they say. *Share a difference of opinion without sounding dismissive. *Encourage uncommunicative people to open up. *Make sure both sides get heard in heated discussions. *Get through to someone who never seems to listen. *Ask for support without getting unwanted advice. *Reduce miscommunication in texts and online. From renowned therapist Michael P. Nichols and new coauthor Martha B. Straus, the third edition reflects the huge impact of technology and social media on relationships, and gives advice for talking to loved ones across social and political divides

Introduction I. The Yearning to Be Understood 1. "Did You Hear What I Said?": Why Listening Is So Important 2. "Thanks for Listening": How Listening Shapes Us and Connects Us to Each Other 3. "Why Don't People Listen?": How Communication Breaks Down II. The Real Reasons People Don't Listen 4. "When Is It My Turn?": The Heart of Listening--The Struggle to Suspend Our Own Needs 5. "You Hear Only What You Want to Hear": How Hidden Assumptions Prejudice Listening 6. "Why Do You Always Overreact?": How Emotionality Makes Us Defensive III. Getting Through to Each Other 7. "Take Your Time--I'm Listening": How to Let Go of Your Own Needs and Listen 8. "I Never Knew You Felt That Way": Empathy Begins with Openness 9. "I Can See This Is Really Upsetting You": How to Defuse Emotional Reactivity IV. Listening in Context 10. "It Takes Two to Tango": Listening Between Intimate Partners 11. "Nobody Around Here Ever Listens to Me!": How to Listen and Be Heard within the Family 12. "I Knew You'd Understand": Being Able to Hear Friends and Colleagues 13. "I'm Not Wasting My Time Talking to That Person!": How to Listen to People It's Impossible to Agree With Epilogue